The True Story of Atticus and Hazel Read online

  “I can’t wait for the fall,” he said.

  “If I could paint it, it would be aquamarine, with bits of Tiffany blue, turquoise, and powder blue. It’d be moving, constantly changing, evolving, shaping the world around us, influencing it, and swaying it this way and that. It would be infinite.”

  Atticus kissed me and I kissed him back.

  “And if it were song,” he told me, “it would be in A major. One hundred thirty-seven beats per minute. It would be haunting. It would be beautiful. It would swim through your skin, raise your heart rate, make your hair stand on end. It would match the rise and fall of the sun. It would be inexhaustible.”

  “Sounds like a world I could live in.”

  He looked at me, stared through me, into me. “We will exist there one day, Hazel.”

  Atticus stared at his phone and noted the time.

  “I’ve got to go, Haze.”

  He stood and held his hands out for me. I took them and he lifted me beside him. “Go get ’em. Lock that shit down. Blow their minds,” I ordered, before pressing a kiss against his mouth.

  He took a deep, shaky breath. “I’ll text you.”

  I nodded. “I can drive myself to work tomorrow. Just keep those down.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t care if I have to leave, I’m coming in the morning to take you to work.”

  I rolled my eyes playfully at him. He kissed my cheek quickly and headed for the door, remembered something, and turned back around. He got down on his knees in front of me and slid his palm over my belly before kissing it.

  The next morning, my alarm went off and I felt the butterflies in my stomach flutter at the thought of seeing Atticus. I hopped in the shower, got dressed, and did my hair and makeup. I ate something, watched a little TV, and about twenty ’til, Atticus still hadn’t arrived. I checked my phone but there were no messages.

  “Must still be working,” I told no one. I looked around the room. “Who am I talking to?” I glanced at my belly. “How about you?” I asked the little mutant Kelly/Stone. “Am I talking to you?”

  I decided not to text Atticus in case he was busy. I didn’t want to give him any further anxiety. I grabbed my keys, locked my studio, and rang Etta while I drove myself to work.

  “Yo, baby cakes!” she answered. “Where you at?”

  “Headed to freaking work.”

  “Say hi to Atticus for me,” she said.

  “Oh, I’m driving myself. It was his first day with Delilah Calvin.”

  “Oh, cool,” she said.

  “Yeah, so it feels like I haven’t seen you in ages and ages. Why don’t you come over later or something?”

  “’Cause Etta has herself a hot date, Hazel, that’s why.”

  “Damn, Etta, what’s his name?”

  “Simon. He’s in med school.”

  “Oooh.” I sang, “Docta! Docta! Give me the news!”

  Etta laughed. “Girl, you are so dumb.”

  I giggled. “Whatever. You love me.”

  “Lord knows I do.” I heard mumbling in the background. “Listen, I have to go. My professor is giving me the stink eye.”

  “You answered this call during class?”

  “Hazel, I do what I want. “

  I laughed. “Go, you dork.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too. Bye.”

  I hung up the phone as I pulled up to work, parked, and headed for the artist loft I worked in. I walked through the courtyard and began to open the door when I heard my name. I turned around to find a winded Atticus.

  “Damn, Hazel,” he panted, “I’m sorry. I lost track of time.”

  I smiled at him. “Not a big deal, babe.”

  “It is a big deal, though. We only get an allotted time together every day while you’re in school, and I look forward to hanging with you.”

  My hand found his cheek. “Atticus, don’t kick yourself for this.” I kissed his mouth. “How did the session go?”

  “It’s still going,” he said. “I just ran out real quick to catch you before you went in. Hazel, the stuff we’re creating is insane.”

  My heart beat quickly. “That’s fantastic. So freaking happy for you!”

  “For us. I’m happy for us. I’m doing this for you. For us.” He kissed me again; this time it held an edge to it that made me weak in the knees. “I gotta go.”

  “Go,” I said, swatting his butt, “kick ass. Take names.”

  He saluted me. “Yes, ma’am.” He started to walk off but yelled over his shoulder. “See you after work!”

  But Atticus didn’t come by after work because I texted him it wasn’t necessary since I had my car. He said he needed sleep anyway and I agreed. He said he’d call me when I got home from class, though.

  Tuesday, the next day, he didn’t come by to take me to work. Neither did he come by on Wednesday. It wasn’t until Thursday, after my last class for the week, did he end up coming by at nine p.m.

  “I missed you,” he said, kissing my temple as we settled on my couch together.

  “I missed you too,” I said, yawning. “It was a crazy week.”

  “No kidding,” he agreed. “Hopefully this will all pan out and the album will sell well.”

  “I hope so. What’s Delilah like?” I asked.

  “She’s cool. Kind of eccentric, kind of out there, but she’s cool.”

  I nodded. “Cool.”

  “How’s Tim been treating you?” he asked.

  “I think he knows I’m preggers.”

  “How?”

  “Maybe because I’m wearing a little baggier clothing? Or maybe it’s because I’ve vomited in the bathroom for weeks straight every day?”

  Atticus laughed. “That might do it. Has he asked about it?”

  “Not directly.” I shifted, unsure if I should admit to the truth.

  If I was being honest, Tim had started treating me even worse. It was obvious he was struggling with his personal feelings for me. He’d often quip I was making a huge mistake with Atticus, that he was probably as useless as he looked, and that he was going to leave me once he grew tired of me. Totally inappropriate things. The problem was I wasn’t pretending what he was saying bothered me anymore, and the negative attention he was getting from me was only spurring him on. He knew I’d never turn him in because I wasn’t exactly in a situation to risk my job, and I knew he’d never fire me because he was in love with me. So this growing hate-filled tension was building in the workshop. Even Madison was starting to intervene during our shouting matches, something she never did.

  “Hazel,” Atticus said, watching me. “Did Tim say something?

  “Uh, no,” I hedged.

  “Did he touch you?” he asked, sitting up.

  “No,” I said, dragging him back down to me. “He’s just the same asshole as always.”

  “Just quit that shit, Hazel.”

  I sighed. “I need the job and I enjoy the work, despite Tim.”

  “There’s got to be something else you could do that will utilize your talent in this godforsaken city.”

  “Possibly, but the idea of shifting to a new place while pregnant is a little bit daunting.”

  Atticus nodded but didn’t look convinced.

  I decided to change the subject. “Do you work tonight?”

  “Yeah, at eleven.”

  I checked how annoying I found that. “What about the weekend?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I’ve got an all-day Saturday session with Delilah.”

  “Okay,” I crisply replied.

  “I’d rather be with you, Hazel, trust me.”

  My heart softened. “I know, Atticus,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. I sat up a little. “Will you at least be able to make the sonogram on Tuesday morning? We find out the gender.”

  He smiled. “I wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world.”

  The following Tuesday, I drove myself to the hospital for a 3D sonogram with plans of meeting Atticus there. I wait
ed outside the entrance for a few minutes, even texted him, but I didn’t get a response.

  Hey, I texted Etta.

  You there? she texted back.

  Yeah, Atticus hasn’t shown yet

  Maybe he’s just late

  I ignored the pit growing in my stomach. I don’t think so E

  Hazel, chill. Text him the address and go up. Good luck! I better be your first call!

  Ok love you

  Love you

  I texted him the address and went upstairs to the sonogram clinic Dr. Kagan referred me to.

  “Just sign in, baby,” the receptionist said, sliding a clipboard my direction. “How many weeks?” she asked.

  “Fifteen,” I told her.

  “Exciting stuff!” she said with a giant smile.

  I was too nervous to be excited. “Yeah, thanks,” I offered.

  “Just take a seat. We’ll call you in a minute.”

  I did as she said and sat in the chair nearest the door. Every time it opened, I would peek over to see if it was Atticus. I kept checking my phone over and over but got no response.

  “Hazel Stone,” a technician called out, making me feel sick.

  I nodded and dialed Atticus. It went straight to voicemail.

  “Atticus, it’s Hazel. Uh, they’ve called me back for the 3D sono. I was hoping you would have been here by now. If you’re close, try to hurry a little so you don’t miss it. Uh, well, bye.”

  I hung up and stuck my phone in my bag.

  “Right this way,” she said, leading me to a dark, cavernous room. It was plush, though, full of rich fabrics and nice furnishings.

  She signaled for me slide on top of the medical chair. “How are you today?” she asked.

  “I’m well, thank you,” I lied.

  She peered over her shoulder. “You alone today?” she asked casually.

  “Uh, yeah,” I answered, feeling a little humiliated.

  She had me pull my shirt up and unbutton my jeans. She pulled the tabs down and slid them a little down my hips before tucking towels over the waistband.

  “Still fitting in regular clothes,” she commented with a smile. “Won’t be long before you’ll need something with some stretch,” she added conversationally.

  “Yeah,” I answered, afraid to talk anymore. The room felt like it was closing in on me.

  “Let’s find out who we’ve got here,” she said, taking warmed gel and squirting it over my small pot belly.

  I kept looking at the door hoping Atticus would walk in but he didn’t, and my heart began to ache. I fought tears. She placed the ultrasound probe on my belly and began shifting the gel over the surface of my skin. I could see the baby’s small form on screen; it kept kicking its little legs and shifting its tiny arms.

  “Oh my God,” I said, staring at it. “It’s so sweet looking.”

  The tech smiled at me as she took measurements with her machine and shifted the probe to check out all its little parts.

  “Do you want to know the sex?” she asked me.

  I swallowed. “Uh, yes, I think so.”

  “I can keep it a secret if you prefer.”

  “No,” I told her, “please. I’d like to know.”

  She slid the probe so she could get a good shot, took several pictures, then turned to me. “You’re having a little girl, Miss Stone.” For some reason, tears started falling and I couldn’t stop them. The tech leaned over and took several tissues from a nearby box. “Congratulations,” she said softly.

  I swiped at my eyes with the tissue. “Thank you.”

  She untucked the towels from my waistband and wiped my stomach for me. “You’re all done, babe. I’ll give you a minute. Just see the receptionist on your way out.” She stood, handed me a disc and a few sonogram pictures, then walked toward the door. “Congrats again,” she said, and left the room.

  I stood up, situated my clothing, and visited reception. I walked out of that hospital and removed my phone from my bag. No missed calls. No missed texts. I dialed and waited.

  “Etta, it’s me,” I said when it went to voicemail. “Just wanted you to know it’s a girl. Call me when you can. Love you.”

  I hung up and rang my grandma but it too went to voicemail. “Grams, it’s Hazel. I know you’re still kind of processing everything, but I thought you’d want to know it’s a girl. I’ll try you again later. Love you.”

  I hung up and went to my car, sat in the driver’s seat, and cried into the steering wheel.

  I decided to go up to The Sink just to make sure Atticus wasn’t hurt or dead or whatever. He knew how important it was to me that he showed, and he let me down. This time I wasn’t afraid to tell him how I felt.

  The Sink’s doors were locked so I knocked. The receptionist buzzed me in, smiled, and pointed toward Atticus’s studio. I mustered up a smile for her and walked with purpose down the hall. His door was cracked open and there was an entire team of people in there, which intimidated me, but what really got to me was the fact that Atticus and Delilah were laughing together, their heads close, her hand on his shoulder. I pushed the door open some and leaned my shoulder against the jamb of the door, watching in horror at their body language.

  Eventually the room started to notice me and people turned around one by one. It wasn’t until Atticus and the gorgeous Delilah took note of the quiet that they bothered to look up from their private revelry.

  Atticus looked shocked to see me. “Hazel!” His head swung toward the wall clock and I watched as his expression fell when he saw the time. “Oh my God,” he said, his shoulders sagging. “I can’t believe it. I lost track of time.”

  I gave him a caustic smile. “It’s fine,” I said, tossing the disc and the pictures at his feet. “You’re obviously busy.” Everyone looked confused but a few who knew who I was looked at me with a little bit of pity, which really irritated me. “You must be Delilah,” I said, walking forward and reaching my hand out toward the brunette goddess. Atticus could tell I was pissed. His breaths sped up and his mouth went slack. “I’m Hazel,” I introduced myself.

  Delilah looked secure in herself. She eyed me with her cat eyes and the look spoke volumes. She knew exactly who I was and she did not care, not even a little bit. “Nice to meet you,” she purred.

  “Likewise,” I told her.

  I waved at all the boys and started to back out of the room. Atticus started to stand. “Catch you on the flip, fellas,” I said, a fake plastic smile on my face.

  I practically sprinted down the hall toward the doors, determined to get out before Atticus could catch me. I threw open the doors and ran to my car, shoved the driver’s side door open, and fell inside. My hands fumbled with the keys as they tried to find the ignition. That’s when I noticed Atticus come out the doors. He looked the opposite direction from me, followed the line of the street, then spotted me. My keys finally found their purchase and turned, the engine rumbling to life. Atticus ran at me, coming full speed. I reached out to close my door but he caught it with his hands.

  “No, you don’t, Hazel.”

  “Fuck you, Atticus Kelly!” I shouted, the tears already pouring.

  “Hazel, Hazel, wait!” he pleaded, pulling my door open as I tried to pull it shut.

  “Let go!” I demanded.

  “Hazel! I’m sorry, okay? I lost track of time. We were just making a lot of progress. I had an alarm set, but I guess I put the phone on silent or something and missed it.”

  “Yeah, lost track of time with that friggin’ chick.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Your body language told me everything I need to know.” I looked at the ceiling of my car. “This is why I don’t date musicians. This is why.”

  He looked like a deer caught in headlights. “I literally have no clue what you’re talking about.”

  “Come on, Atticus! She had her hand on your shoulder. Your heads were close. Those are boundaries crossed.”

  He looked pensive for a moment.
“I didn’t even realize, Hazel. I swear to God.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t care anymore, Atticus.” A fresh burst of emotion flooded forth. “You let me down. You don’t know what it was like sitting in that room by myself at what was supposed to be a cool thing. It was the first glimpse I got into what will probably be my future, and my eyes opened. I can’t do that. I won’t do that to my kid.”

  “What are you saying?” he asked, an edge to his tone.

  “I’m saying I’m going to look for an adoption agency, Atticus.”

  I tried to close the door but his hands were firmly planted on the frame and he wouldn’t budge. “You’re being too hasty, Hazel. This isn’t a permanent thing, okay? Can’t you see I’m doing this for us? I’m doing this for our future!” he desperately argued.

  “How can there be a future, Atticus, when we’re not even in the present? Huh?”

  “We just have to sacrifice a little bit now is all,” he reasoned.

  “If we were an established couple, this would make sense, Atticus, but we’re not. We’re still getting to know one another. We don’t even know if we’re meant to be.”

  “Bullshit!” he shouted. “That’s bullshit, Hazel, and you know it. I knew the second we laid on the ground staring up into the sky that night. I knew it the second your hand found mine. I knew it the second I tasted your lips with mine. I knew it during those unbelievable hours in my car. I knew it that horrifying morning. I know you know it too. It’s fate.”

  I started crying harder and hit my steering wheel in frustration. “Stop it, Atticus!”

  He shook his head back and forth. “I’m not ever going to stop, Hazel. I know it seems stupid. I know how insane the notion that two people can, in fact, be divinely designed sounds, but I know it’s true. I know this now. Because I can tell you with absolute certainty that you are meant to be with me, Hazel Stone.”

  “Please,” I begged, not sure if my heart could take any more. “Please.”

  He took a deep breath. “We did things a little backwards, but I’m going to make them right. Just stick this out with me.”

  He pulled at the door and I no longer had the strength to prevent him from opening it. When he wrested it away from me, he fell on his knees, yanked me toward him, and held me harder than I’d ever been held.